Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
