so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
