My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
