then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
