i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
