Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
