can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
