Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
