It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
