I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
