when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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