$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
