I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
