i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
