so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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