forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
