just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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