i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
