I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
