you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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