frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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