I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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