***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
