Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
