yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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