do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
