I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
