Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
