Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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