Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
