Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
