He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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