I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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