last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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