Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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