They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
