If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
