is your mom at the bar?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
