Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
