Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
