you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
