the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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