life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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