On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
