last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
