Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
