So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
