Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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