It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
