Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
